If You Value Relationships, Communication Skills Must Be Learned, Practiced and Used When Necessary

Questioning skills can be found at the link below

“Questioning Techniques

Asking questions effectively

with James Manktelow & Amy Carlson.

Garbage in, garbage out, is a popular truth, often said in relation to computer systems: If you put the wrong information in, you'll get the wrong information out. The same principle applies to communications in general: If you ask the wrong questions, you'll probably get the wrong answer, or at least not quite what you're hoping for.

Asking the right question is at the heart of effective communications and information exchange. By using the right questions in a particular situation, you can improve a whole range of communications skills: for example, you can gather better information and learn more; you can build stronger relationships, manage people more effectively and help others to learn too.

So here are some common questioning techniques, and when (and when not) to use them"

”http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTMC_88.htm

"Listening" is from a website on skillful communication skills.

http://www.directionservice.org/cadre/section4.cfm

Listening

1. Requires concentration and energy

2. Involves a psychological connection with the speaker

3. Includes a desire and willingness to try and see things from another's perspective

4. Requires that we suspend judgment and evaluation

"Listening in dialogue is listening more to meaning than to words . . .In true listening, we reach behind the words, see through them, to find the person who is being revealed. Listening is a search to find the treasure of the true person as revealed verbally and nonverbally. There is the semantic problem, of course. The words bear a different connotation for you than they do for me. Consequently, I can never tell you what you said, but only what I heard. I will have to rephrase what you have said, and check it out with you to make sure that what left your mind and heart arrived in my mind and heart intact and without distortion."

- John Powell, theologian

Learning to be an effective listener is a difficult task for many people. However, the specific skills of effective listening behavior can be learned. It is our ultimate goal to integrate these skills into a sensitive and unified way of listening.

Key Listening Skills:

Nonverbal:

Giving full physical attention to the speaker;

Being aware of the speaker's nonverbal messages;

Verbal:

Paying attention to the words and feelings that are being expressed;

Using reflective listening tools such as paraphrasing, reflecting, summarizing, and questioning to increase understanding of the message and help the speaker tell his story.