"We Can Cower In A Corner Or We can Stand And Fight

My prayers and heart go out to John and Elizabeth Edwards. I believe that John Edwards would be an incredible President when we desperately need an incredible President. I feel compelled to write this because I saw on the news that Elizabeth's cancer has returned and I know how I would feel if the love of my life. "My" was in her place. The tears would flow and my love would be overwhelming in it's intensity. And we would not "cower in the corner either. " I spent the night before last in Children's Hospital working with a young student of mine who I wrote about in an earlier blog. He had to take a feeding tube down through his nose and into his stomach. He had chosen to take the tube the day before. But when it came to the actual experience he froze up in panic. So his mother asked me to come down and stand with him through the difficult experience. Placing a feeding tube through your nose and into your stomach is not easy for a fourteen year old or for most people. It would not be something I would want to experience. He not only had to face the fear and pain of the tube going up his nose, he also had to face the experience of leaving it in long enough for his body to get the nourishment he needs to live. He did it. He is doing it. I am very proud of him. I told him that the ability to stay in a painful situation and do what it takes long enough to bring forth good results is one of the key abilities he will need for the rest of his life. Difficult and painful situations are just a reality of being human. Sometimes it is physical pain that comes and demands our attention. Sometimes we suffer psychological or social pain. Sometimes it is spiritual pain. During a lifetime all of the above pains and more will come knocking or kicking down the doors of our lives. We can run away and cower in corners or just throw up our hands and freak out or die. The choices are always ours. We can run or we can fight. If we chose to stand and fight than we must be true to our intention no matter what may come or how long it may take. I learned this in my study and practice of chi kung over the last sixteen years. The Sufis say'"Without Mary's pain, Jesus could not have been born." My student had to face this lesson the night before last in a very real way. His intent was to take the tube through his nose and down into his stomach. The reality of the tube going into his nose freaked him out. He told us he changed his mind and wanted to go home. I worked with him to help him understand his experience in a different way. This was not just about a tube going up his nose and down into his stomach. This was about a boy learning a series of very important lessons about becoming a man. It was in fact a part of a long series of initiations a boy must experience in his journey from boy to man. As Buddha said, "Life is suffering." All our lives suffering will come. How we handle what comes will determine the kind of life we will live. One of the most important lessons this young warrior faced was learning was how to handel on going physical irritation and or pain. I helped him learn experientially that when in pain or fear, the tendency is to tighten up our muscles and breathe to our upper chest. In fact we have to learn to do the opposite. We need to stop as soon as possible any panicked reactions. Then we need to regulate our breathing so it is lower belly breathing. Then we must move through our body noticing and releasing any unnecessary muscle tension. When he did that he was better able to tolerate the physical/mental pain. Every time he tightened his muscles and changed his breathing pattern I pointed this out and he was able to go back to proper breathing and relax his muscles and adjust his posture. I reinforced this behavior with words of praise and encouragement to do the same when the fear and pain returned. He is a good student.
The young warrior had many difficult lessons and rites of passages to go through that nigh. He had to learn how not to be overly influenced by his thoughts and emotions. Holding to his intent was the key to a return to health. He had to take the tube if he wanted to have a chance to live. In chi kung study and practice my teachers use to say during any practice,"Thoughts and emotions come and go. Always let go of the thoughts and emotions and return to the practice." I was taught to always ask myself if my thoughts and emotions served my real interest and intent and if they did not, to let them come and go and return to actualizing my intent. I was taught to consciously explore and cultivate thinking and emotions that did serve my intent. Fortunately my student is a swimmer and his swimming coach has also worked with him about how undisciplined thinking and emotions can sabotage training and performance. The mind will almost always want to stop before the body really needs to stop. I experienced this reality when I was a runner many years ago. What is true of physical pain is also true of psychological, social and spiritual painful situations. One of my teachers use to say that the mind was always the last to be able to understand but was always the first to demand understanding NOW. So what happens a lot is that the mind finds it's self in a painful place. What is causing the pain or what can resolve it is not at all clear or possible to comprehend. So the poor little mind being impatient and undisciplined grabs onto the first thoughts and emotions that comes its way and runs with them as its guides. The results are predictable. Life is not easy. It demands a lot of us human beings if we are going to be able to navigate the seas of life in difficult weather. Understanding the nature of the thinking/feeling mind is one of the first steps to mastery. I recommend the study of Buddhism for understanding the thinking/feeling mind. I am not talking about Buddhism as a religion. I am speaking of Buddhism as a study of the nature of the thinking/feeling mind. Go to the bookstore or library or Goggle and explore. Our ability to tolerate and work through difficult and often painful situations is Vital. I face this reality all the time in my life. How about YOU? Let us be good examples to ourselves and others of what to do when pain and suffering comes into our lives.